SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The ass gains better be worth it
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