She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
