I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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