I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
