I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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