Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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