her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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