So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
