Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
