...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
