i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
