you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
