We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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