A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
