Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
