Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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