WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
