Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
