Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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