You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
