i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
