Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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