Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
