About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize