remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
