I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
