obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am one with the molecules
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
