WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
