I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
