ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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