They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I believe in your delicious
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
