Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
