A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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