I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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