I faked an abortion last night.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
