Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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