his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
