I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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