Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
