remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
