I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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