people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
