Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
