just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
