she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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