What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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