I CAN MOONWALK!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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