community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
