Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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