no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
