NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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