haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
