I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
