How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
