i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
dude. I can hear the air.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
