New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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